chsdbacks Page 48
Page 48
"So I will leave."
"Because this is the life that belongs to you."
“I shouldn’t be interfering in your life anymore. As someone who shouldn’t be here, you would be saved even if I didn’t appear. I’m not unique, and I’m not special at all, just as you can’t find anything special about me.”
"Same."
……
……
……
Raiden Mei really wanted to say at this moment—it's different. I can find your uniqueness. You are the only one for me.
But all the emotions, all the feelings, all the things that had been bottled up inside and were stuck in his throat, all vanished the moment he saw those cherry-colored eyes.
They can only stay where they are.
We can only remain indifferent.
They could only watch as the boy walked further and further away.
Because I really didn't know anything about the boy, I really didn't know his past... this feeling seemed to be as understated as he described it.
The suspension bridge reaction only produces a fleeting, temporary surge of passion, nothing more.
There is no continuity.
There will be no continuity.
This relationship, built on the unequal ignorance of both parties, and lasting less than a month—was wrong and foolish.
As he said, “Miss Raiden Mei, when I was a child, I thought the sky was falling because I forgot to bring my red scarf. When I was in school, I thought the sky was falling because I didn’t do my homework and the teacher was going to check it. When I was at work, I felt the sky was falling because I didn’t do my job well and the boss was going to call me into his office. Isn’t it ridiculous? But a fragile person like me is still alive and well.”
"Don't think too badly about things. Apart from death, there is really nothing that matters in the world. Any trouble is only for this stage, a stage that you will only feel naive about later."
It turns out that those words were not just words of comfort, not just words of hope that I could break free from the shadows of the past, but also words of reminder not to let myself succumb to momentary emotions.
No wonder.
No wonder.
No wonder.
Her tears flowed uncontrollably, and she could no longer support herself as she squatted weakly on the ground, hugging her legs with both hands, watching the boy's departing figure, watching the infinitely long shadow revealed in the twilight after the clouds had once again dispersed.
At this moment, even reaching out was so difficult—her fingers seemed unable to even grasp Jing Jiangcheng's shadow; she could only stare wide-eyed, tears welling in her eyes, watching him leave step by step.
"Please don't do that. I know you have a Holy Mark, and I can feel the Holy Mark behind me now."
"Girls... no, everyone should take their bodies seriously, especially you, the protagonist."
It was clearly emphasized back then.
She wasn't even allowed to lift her clothes.
She just wanted to increase her closeness with Jiang Cheng in this way, and wanted to rely more on the only person she could rely on... Her emotions were all seen through.
"Please don't do such a thing. Your life is not at the point where it should stop. Right now, you've only saved my life, and I haven't paid you the corresponding compensation yet."
"Therefore, I cannot allow or accept it. I want to see my benefactor do something irrational that he will definitely regret in the future, because he became like this because of his excitement."
It's not about feeling inferior.
It's not that I look down on myself.
It's not because I don't like my body.
I knew from the beginning that there was a gap between us, and that this relationship, which was like a drifting boat, had no future.
"Please allow me to repeat what I said before: all of this is just a phase for you now. All the seemingly disastrous things will be laughed off in the future, so don't do anything that you'll regret."
“Essentially... I’m a guy who knows a lot but doesn’t do it well, really insignificant.”
"I was just a mentor during the beginner stage, although I won't be too outdated even in the later stages."
I've said it so many times since then.
I've been reminded of this so many times already.
Why……
Why am I so stupid?
Is this status as an outstanding student really just because his father was rich in the past?
Why did it take me so long to realize all this? For so long, I was running away, waiting, and never taking a single step towards him.
The girl felt utterly ridiculous about everything about herself and everything she had experienced.
Regardless of the exclusion of Kiana.
Still, there was unease about Bronya.
Because of possessiveness and a competitive spirit, he pushed away the two teammates that the boy had chosen as the perfect teammate for him.
The resentment felt when the boy actively distanced himself from him was utterly ridiculous, because he knew nothing about it, yet he was still unhappy because of the boy's good intentions, who knew everything.
Why should someone like me get your help? You get so badly hurt just from touching me, why are you helping a piece of trash like me?
If it weren't for me, if he hadn't bumped into me, if he hadn't wanted to protect me, he wouldn't have...wouldn't have lost that hand, wouldn't have suffered such severe damage.
right?
Surely?
……
……
……
……
It was only at this moment that Raiden Mei belatedly realized the problem with her body—this body did not crave change, but even feared change, and avoided any change or proactive behavior.
He will only ever wait for others to help him, wait for others to rescue him. If he falls into a pit, he will only shout a few words but will not save himself. He will wait for others to lower a rope down for him. Perhaps it is because every change basically symbolizes the emergence of problems. From his father going to prison to his accounts being frozen, he has probably been in the shadows for too long, to the point that his body has begun to become sluggish.
When I was trapped in the toilet and water was poured on me, I felt like I was made of lead and couldn't move. I didn't want anyone to see my disheveled state, nor did I want to go out looking like this.
So—he had no choice but to stay there.
It seems to have just stayed there.
……
Let's stay there then.
The young girl is there now too.
Kiana, who had been watching from afar, waved and then chose to walk over. The silver-haired girl, full of youthful energy and always taking the initiative, came step by step towards him.
"Mei, what are you doing squatting here? Where's Jiang Cheng? I haven't seen him anywhere."
Young girls are always very forgetful.
They are better at remembering good things than bad things.
Even if a dispute has occurred, it can be quickly put aside.
Someone who takes initiative like this is probably the kind of person Jiang Cheng can truly fall for.
Recalling what happened on the roller coaster, all she could do was wait and let Jiang Cheng choose what he did, whether or not he wanted to ride the roller coaster, and Kiana would actively pull Jiang Cheng onto the roller coaster.
Roller coasters aren't actually that dangerous, and Kiana is capable of holding Jiang Cheng tightly.
Raiden Mei knew, and had known in her past life, about the extraordinary power this girl possessed.
So why did I initiate an argument with her back then?
Why bring up things you don't even believe yourself?
Only now, after learning to recognize and examine herself, has the girl belatedly realized—perhaps because she had just truly seen it: on the roller coaster, Jiang Cheng's expression of happiness at that moment, as he earnestly looked at the surrounding scenery and Kiana embracing him.
and so--
Lower your head.
"sorry."
……
……
Once cold, gentle, and aloof, she seemed to be a mixture of countless labels. The girl, living as the Queen of Thunder, humbly lowered her head before those clear, azure eyes, responding to that incomprehensible gaze with the cruelest declaration uttered from her crimson lips.
"Jiangcheng...is already..."
"—Gone."
……
P.S.: Jiang Cheng, who truly has incredible initiative; Mei, who was cruelly rejected; and Kiana, who just minutes before dragged Jiang Cheng on a roller coaster ride, and is still thinking about which ride to take with him...
Chapter 64 The Herrscher of Thunder Sets Sail Again
"What……"
"mean?"
The girl felt that Kiana's change at this moment was very similar to her own; both of them were unable to accept it and were unwilling to accept it—her pupils were trembling violently, and her clear eyes, which could be described as beautiful, revealed a rapid unease as if a storm was brewing. She took a deep breath, her body unconsciously bent slightly, and even her fingers clenched unintentionally.
The instincts hidden deep within have already put the body into a tense defensive posture—just like when you see someone attacking you, your body stiffens as a stress response to defend against the attack.
Kiana must have heard it, heard it clearly, or at least instinctively knew it and was prepared, yet she still kept asking herself the same question over and over.
—Is it ridiculous?
Even after all this, you still won't accept q)i3Osi~jiuqi (three)si shun reality.
—Is Qilin Xiawu Siliu VIII Seven Chess Foolish?
He was someone who knew nothing from the very beginning.
She knew nothing about Jiang Cheng, simply accepting the kindness he showed her, yet subconsciously believing that this fragile feeling could last forever, that this one-sided help could be eternal—that she would always receive the boy's help, his selfless care and love.
"Raiden Mei, what are you saying? Where did Jiang Cheng go? Tell me!"
what……
It's still very urgent.
Really urgent.
Even the sound was so hurried.
It was even more intense than the most heated argument I had with myself earlier.
Do not……
The emotions I felt back then are incomparable to those I feel now.
Jiang Cheng... has probably become an important friend of hers by now.
That’s right.
Life is a blank canvas, devoid of memories, past, and friends, with only a wretched old man who suddenly disappears one day. How could a young girl, who has spent almost the first half of her life searching for her family, possibly allow the new family she has finally found, one that brings her peace of mind, to be lost?
Jiang Cheng was absolutely right—as the world's most powerful prophet, he was absolutely right.
I can really understand Kiana.
Understand this person with whom you don't get along.
To understand the peace that a lonely soul finds after finding its home, and the warmth that can never be lost.
Even if that paradise, as sweet as honey, harbors swords, even if it has no foundation and is just a castle in the air, I would still willingly sleep and die there, melt away there.
So what if it's a trap? So what if we're adrift and homeless? As long as the warmth is real, as long as our hearts have a place to belong, then home is everywhere.
The next line of this sentence is: Without family, without friends, without the warm light of a fire, even the most luxurious house is nothing more than a cold prison cell.
Such thoughts must be even more intense for Kiana, at least not even half as much as the bullying, ridicule, and loss she experienced.
An emptiness where even memories are lost.
Gained twice, lost twice.