chsdbacks Page 184
Page 184
Not so happy, life not so wonderful, every memory with Jiangcheng not so warm that it seems to shine even in the recollection—like the distorted sunlight overexposed in summer.
Mei, too, seems to have become just a memory; that hateful feeling and that constraint have become a form of rebellion.
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The girl's voice continued.
The activity did not stop just because the boy was lost in thought.
Along with the swirling petals, the blowing wind, the lifted hem of her skirt and her long, silvery hair, Kiana remained silent, sullen yet obedient, while Siegfried's gaze held a complex expression that defied description.
Recalling the beauty of the past, remembering past experiences, her eyes blinked with a sweetness that seemed to make anyone who looked at her feel as if they had fallen into a garden of flowers, gazing intently at the boy who seemed to glow in the soft light, at his flowing, translucent black hair.
"If you simply give me love and stay by my side, then I will probably just fall in love with you."
"But you kept telling me those big principles, how to be a person, how to live, how to live in this world in the right way, in a way that makes me comfortable."
"So after knowing everything, after understanding all the grand principles you've mentioned, how to be a person, how to live, I will find myself liking you more and more through self-reflection, and eventually become a perverted person who is crazy about you."
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The reason I started to like him wasn't that complicated. Firstly, Jiang Cheng was both useless and unique enough, so I couldn't help but watch him more. Then, through this, I heard Jiang Cheng's self-description. In our daily interactions, I received constant care and gentle help, as well as the dandelion in the desert that day.
It all started with the richness and subtlety of Jiangcheng, and the repeated interactions and comforting words I heard built up the love I feel in my heart today.
It's that simple, that commonplace.
Having too many memories but not enough real experiences, having only concepts but no personal experiences... This will lead to such a result. It depends on whether the person is willing to create an independent life that belongs only to themselves, rather than choosing to accept the transcription and give up what belongs to them.
Please believe me... You really won't be alone like this anymore. In fact, if you're willing to believe, I can declare to you as a prophet that in the future you will not only have your own kind, but you will also gain your own companions, and not just one friend, but many, many friends. Although there will still be some people who misunderstand you, they will all be willing to accept you in the future and like you from the bottom of their hearts.
Happy, sad, grief, exhilaration...
Humanity must also include decadence and incompetence.
Only when all the positive and negative factors are gathered can the most beautiful flower bloom; otherwise, a flower with only petals and no leaves will only make people tired of looking at it and very boring.
In a strange place where no one is human—either a machine creation, a mentally ill person, or a patient suffering from psychological trauma, and even ordinary staff members only shout about loyalty—ordinary people with delicate emotions and all human feelings become rare and precious, like flowers in the desert.
Being able to comfort others, being able to at least be there for them like an ordinary person, instead of just talking about grand experimental plans and money...
That's simply impossible.
—That's just a dream.
In fact, the lack of human cognition can be called common sense, because even Cecilia's memories are mostly filled with mad scientists and perverts. The most normal ones are Theresa, who is constantly losing her memory, the unreliable Siegfried, and Shigure Kira.
But ah...
This world is just so special.
Even in the desert, beautiful flowers bloom.
Mistelin was now completely captivated—by the aura of the boy so close to her, by his profile bathed in soft light, his deep, dark orange-gold eyes seemingly lost in thought, like the only beautiful flower blooming in a desert-like world, the only delicate and rich flower ever seen.
That's why we praise the beauty of flowers again and again, admire their delicate details time and time again, and marvel at the different scenes we observe each time.
Yes, even just watching from the sidelines is fine; I certainly enjoy the unexpected surprises.
"But as expected, I still really enjoy experiencing things firsthand, especially things that are complicated and messy."
"I hope to create memories between the two of us."
"I really... really can't stand it... wanting to tell you I love you over and over again."
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To be honest, even though Jiang Cheng no longer sees himself as the complete good-for-nothing he once was, a piece of trash who could be killed by any brick picked up from the street.
Now, to be so clearly greeted by such a passionate and clear love from a young girl is enough to make one wonder—what right do I, an ordinary person, have to do this?
Because you can feel it.
I can feel it completely.
The essence of this love does not stem from anything else one possesses, neither from one's own abilities, nor from the eyes that see the future, nor from the status of a bishop or anything else, but from a genuine love for the person named Jiang Cheng, a love for the iron waste who has just arrived in this world, even after losing everything, a love for the person who has lost everything, a piece of trash who doesn't even have a stigmata and would die instantly if touched by Honkai energy.
This love has reached a point where it is completely illogical and without reason—at least from a teenager's perspective, there is no logic or justification to it.
Is this really not a dream?
Do I, someone like myself, really deserve to meet such a wonderful person?
Does such a girl really exist in this outrageous, wicked, and disgusting world?
Such doubts kept rising in my mind, like countless bubbles floating up. Then, in the blink of an eye, they burst, simply because the answer was all too obvious…
--some.
No matter how impossible, no matter how much it seems like a dream.
Regardless of whether all of this is something that, even if posted online, will be ridiculed as a dream or scorned as someone who dreams too beautifully...
Right now, right in front of me, right there, I can smell it, feel the sway of its hair, see the color in its eyes, the shimmering light, the magnificent, radiant beauty of lavender being blown about like a field of lavender—all of this can be clearly seen, captured, and reflected in those cherry-colored pupils.
This is by no means a lie; everything that one would never dare to dream of is the reality seen with one's own eyes—this truth has been clearly established.
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I doubt anyone could resist being moved by such sincerity.
Even if they can't understand each other at all, can't empathize with each other, because of their birth and information, because of the education they received in childhood and the personality they developed, they are completely different and can't understand each other's thoughts or behaviors. They always hold prejudices in various senses and judge people from their own perspectives. But there are always some things that can penetrate these barriers.
For example, sacrifice, beauty, loyalty... these are things that can precisely strike a chord in people's hearts. Even though there are absolute differences in culture, people can still admire a certain shining point in them.
Love today is one of them, perhaps the most obvious and clear one, because love has been praised by countless people from different eras, countries, civilizations, and cultural regions from beginning to end.
There is no doubt about what is happening right now.
—It is good, it is happiness.
Even Siegfried couldn't muster any anger; aside from jealousy, all that remained was his resentment.
It's just personal dissatisfaction.
Personal reluctance.
He didn't want to see his daughter and his wife, who looked exactly alike, serving the same person at the same time. But ultimately, he had no right to stop it—this contradiction and conflict swirled wildly in Siegfried's mind, almost washing it away until he was blank and unable to think.
I'm both angry and feel I shouldn't be angry; I'm both upset and feel I shouldn't be upset. I want to interfere but have no right to do so; I want to applaud and praise this happiness, but the barriers between us prevent me from doing so.
Everything can only be swallowed, can only be swallowed into the mouth.
Chewing, savoring.
No matter how disgusting it is, I can't vomit it up—this kind of thing can only be eaten and endured quietly by oneself.
He glanced at Kiana one last time, his gaze fixed on the azure eyes beneath her long, serious hair, fixed intently on Mistelin and Jiang Cheng.
What do the colors look like? Due to the angle, it's not very clear anymore; it's probably just a little bit of jealousy.
Siegfried quietly reduced his presence.
They escaped before being discovered, just as they had planned.
Regardless of his character, at least my daughter now has someone to rely on, so I don't have to worry too much...
Even if he's a bit of a womanizer, Jiang Cheng's behavior and abilities are impeccable. His concern and self-criticism are also genuine. As for other aspects, Kiana has to handle them herself.
Under normal circumstances, Siegfried would probably offer some more tips or talk to Jiang Cheng—as his father-in-law.
Unfortunately, he's completely out of form now.
—He just wanted to run away.
He simply cannot bring himself to be in a relationship with someone who looks exactly like his daughter and his wife.
So let's just run away with the goods, no doubt about it.
Taking advantage of the moment when everyone's attention was off him, he once again used his stealth ability to silently slip into the shadows.
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At this point, probably no one would think they were qualified to compete with the girl, and they would all wisely choose to withdraw from the battleground and the stage of competition.
How many people in this world can show such sincere love?
This kind of brilliance, which transcends humanity, is simply because Misterin is completely inhuman and has never been tainted by any human aspect. Even so, Kiana still has the determination and resolve that is absolutely no less than Misterin's.
Strictly speaking, she is absolutely no less than Mistelin.
Only Jiangcheng remains.
This unique talent is even more valuable than Siegfried's. Even Kiana, who had just met her father whom she had been searching for, still focused all her attention on Jiang Cheng immediately. Even when she was confused and woke up from her daze, it was because of Jiang Cheng.
Although this might be closer to a lifeline.
The only person who truly loves/understands me, the only person who will apologize and give reasons after abandoning me.
The love and the relationship given are neither crude nor obscure, but so clear, so obvious, and ever-present. It seems that as long as you look up, he will be there, no matter how sad you are, no matter how dark your shadowy corner you hide in. You will always feel his presence, and you will always see his outstretched hand the moment you look up, his face showing undisguised concern for you... No one can resist this, especially a child who lacks love.
If Siegfried could provide a reason and an apology, the situation might be somewhat resolved.
If we can make up for the regret of being abandoned, things can probably turn out in a better way.
Even if Kiana complains verbally, she still yearns for love, care, and the obedience of her family deep down. She will probably forgive them after haughtily putting her hands on her hips and huffing.
If you want me to forgive him, then help me out again.
If you only handed over half of the strategy tips back then, and now you're handing over the whole thing... it wouldn't be unreasonable to forgive you for the sake of appearances.
As long as we can conquer Jiangcheng, everything else is trivial. As for abandoning the past, it's not impossible to just let it go.
Almost subconsciously, Kiana had already imagined a wonderful future where her father and lover were both successful. When Kiana looked up again, the footprints that had been there had disappeared.
Can't move.
Can't move.
Why do footprints disappear?
Why can't I see his feet?
Kiana's face turned deathly pale, as if reflected in the moonlight. Her joy vanished in an instant, and the fantasies in her heart were swept away by the cold wind. Her pupils trembled as she stared at the floor. Even though she saw nothing, she still dared not move, dared not look up, dared not open her eyes wide, and dared not check whether her father's figure was still there.
Even though I thought of several possibilities, I still knew that none of those answers were correct.
I don't want to stare.
Even though his family, whom he longed for more than anyone else, was right in front of him, he felt an urge to blind himself.
I do not want to see.
I do not want to see.
I do not want to see.
However, I still saw it.
Then, I understood it.
Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.
The corridor fell silent once more. Even with eyes wide open, staring to the edge of the line of sight, no one could find any trace of him. He had just been seen, but for various reasons, his family members had vanished again without him being able to greet them properly, hug them, or listen to their explanations or inquiries.
We don't even know when they will disappear.
All of this proves one thing.
My stinky dad really wants to leave—to leave without me knowing—he doesn't want to see me at all.