chsdbacks Chapter 127 – The Pain of Loss
Chapter 127 – The Pain of Loss
Chapter 127 – The Pain of Loss
— Aria Greyrat —
“Kids, we... we need to talk about something,” Mama Sylphy said, taking a deep breath as she kneeled down in front of us.
What was going on?
All my other Mamas had left to stay in their rooms, and Mama Sylphy suddenly grabbed us from our beds to take us downstairs to the couch, where we were sitting now.
And that wasn’t all.
Why were Mama Sylphy’s eyes red and swollen?
Why was Mama crying earlier in her and Dada’s room?
And why... why did I have such a weird, bad feeling in my tummy?
“Mmm? Mama... is something wrong?” Anna said, tilting her head as she lazily patted Emilia’s head, who had decided to lay down on her lap.
“Something wrong... yes, something is really... really wrong,” Mama Sylphy said, her words getting caught in her throat as she gripped the bottom of her dress. “It’s... it’s about your father.”
“Oh! Dada!?” I exclaimed, a bright smile creeping onto my face. “Is he coming back yet? I have a new magic to show him! I can make pretty lights now! Watch!”
As I reached to my side to grab my wand, I felt Mama Sylphy’s stop me, her hand grabbing my wrist.
“Ma... Mama Sylphy?” I said, confused.
Why did she look so sad? So pained?
“Is... do you need a hug?” I asked, slowly reaching out to wrap my arms around her neck.
Dada always said my hugs made him feel better, and Mama agreed, so this was the best thing to do!
This was sure to make her feel-
“Thank you, Aria... but hugs won’t make this go away,” Mama Sylphy said, giving me a squeeze before she pushed be back on the couch.
What?
Why...
“Kids, your father, he... he went to fight a bad guy. A very strong bad guy,” she said, wiping a tear from her eyes. “And while he won, he... didn’t survive.”
Didn’t survive...?
What... did that mean?
“W-When... when is he coming back?” I asked, feeling that twisting, icky sensation in my tummy grow. “W-When is Dada coming home?”
“Aria... he... won’t be able to come back,” Mama Sylphy replied, her lip beginning to tremble. “He... isn’t coming back...”
Huh...?
That... that was wrong...
This was wrong!
The Dada I know would never not come back!
He would always come back!
He will always come back!
He... he wouldn’t leave me... leave us... so why was Mama Sylphy lying?
Lying was bad, right?
Why was she lying?
Where was Dada... I wanted Dada!
Why isn’t he here?
He needs to come and scold Mama Sylphy for lying!
He needs to-
“Shh... it’s okay, darling.”
My thoughts came to a stop as I felt a finger brush against my face, wiping away the tears that I didn’t even feel come out.
Huh?
“Aria... I know more than anyone that this is hard... but it’s okay... so just cry, baby girl,” Mama Sylphy said, soothingly rubbing my cheek with her finger as she held Anna, Emilia, and Ars with her other arm.
They were crying.
Wailing.
I simply didn’t hear when I was lost in my own world.
And I... I was crying.
Why was I crying?
Crying meant something bad happened, right?
Something like Dada not coming back... but he was, right?
He was coming back, right?
So why... why was I crying!?
“Aria... j-just let it out, honey,” Mama Sylphy continued, bringing me into a hug as I felt wetness begin to drip onto my hair.
Mama Sylphy... she was crying too.
I wiped the water from my eyes, making my blurry vision clear as I looked at Anna, who was cuddled next to me, and Emilia, who was below her, her face stuffed into Anna’s chest.
They were both crying... they were both sad, with Anna’s face twisted in despair, and Emilia’s muffled cries entering my ears.
No... Anna was wailing too.
“Papa... he... I was only mean- hic! I was only mean... Why was I only mean?” she cried, her hands gripping Mama Sylphy’s dress hard enough to make her fists white. “I’m sorry, Papa! I’m... sorry Papa... teach me the sword, Papa... please...”
Even Ars, who had only shown a wide, goofy smile, was sad, his tears pouring down his face, at least from what I could see out of the corner of my eye.
They... they were all sad.
Not just my siblings, but my parents too.
They were sad because Dada wasn’t there... and I was sad too.
It was obvious why.
Dada was amazing.
He was strong, he loved giving us hugs, he always played with us and got us fun presents.
He was the best... he was the dad that I always bragged about to Lana and Clive... the dad that taught me magic and showed me all the cool ways to use it.
And now... he was gone.
No... no, he wasn’t gone.
Dada would never be gone!
But right now... everyone thought he was.
And that made them sad.
I... I didn’t want them to be sad.
And I was the oldest... I was the big sister.
I was the one that Dada trusted most!
So, it was obvious what I needed to do!
“Mama Sylphy, Anna, Ars, Emilia, listen up!” I said, sniffling to clear my nose as I pushed myself out of Mama Sylphy’s grasp and went to stand on the couch.
Turning around, I looked down at the four sad faces, lifting my chin as a wobbly smile formed on my lips.
“Don’t worry! Dada... even if Dada isn’t here, we still have each other!” I said as I brought my thumb to point to my chest. “And even better, you have me! So if you’re sad, just come to me! I’m your big sister, so that means you don’t get to be sad while I’m here!”
Dada said it best.
‘You really have a wonderful smile, Aria... it simply lights up my world,’ he had said, brushing the hair out of my face as he laid me down to bed. ‘Listen. If there’s any time you want to make people feel better, then smile for them. There really is no better medicine... except for Dada’s hugs, of course.’
So keep smiling, me! That... that will make everything better!
“Aria, you...” Mama Sylphy said, her wide eyes, closing into crescents with a smile as she leaned forward to rest her head on Anna’s. “You’re right... you’re exactly right, Aria... what am I even doing right now?”
I don’t know!
“Sister... but Papa... I was always mean...” Anna said, her lip trembling as tears threatened to come forth again. “Doesn’t that make me a bad daughter? You always made him feel better, while I...”@@@@
“Don’t say that, Anna,” I said, calming my voice as I hopped down to give her a hug. “He loves you, and loves all of us... I promise!”
“But... I was still mean...” she muttered.
Hmm... what did Dada say about Anna again?
I remember it was right around when she could walk, and always made sure to run to Mama Sylphy’s arms rather than Dada’s...
Ah! That’s right!
“Dada didn’t mind it when you were mean,” I said, leaning over to gently pat her head.
Especially Zenith, Lilia, Norn, and Aisha... the sisters in particular.
It was only a matter of course, considering how he had essentially been their entire world during their travels across the Demon, Millis, and Central continents.
He was their brother, the one who helped them grow, made them safe, and allowed them to become the women they were today.
Honestly, he acted more of a father to them than Paul, especially throughout their earlier years.
And now... he was gone.
And Zenith... well, there was nothing I could say that could explain the pain of losing one’s son, and I hoped that I would never be able to.
Even I had to admit, despite the agony of losing Leon, if it was Anna, or any of the children instead... I would be broken.
After all, no parent would want to outlive their child, especially when he was so young.
And Lilia, while she didn’t have that same intense motherly attachment that Zenith did, was also crushed.
But thankfully, that side of the family had Paul.
Yet again, despite his... ‘Paulness’, the man was experienced in the world, and knew how to be a comforting presence when it was needed in the process of grieving.
He had stepped up, for all of them, and I was extremely thankful for that.
And of course, there was Rudy, who, while not having the same level of grief compared to us, did have quite a bit of guilt, considering he was there when it happened.
But he had Sara, Linia, and Shizuka, along with his three children, to help him out.
He knew what responsibilities he had as a father and a husband, so he wouldn’t let his sorrow overwhelm him.
Yes... overall, the family was dealing with the loss in their own ways, but there was only one problem left...
Eris.
Thankfully, thanks to Zenith’s initial intervention, she hadn’t been training like I was initially worried about, as she intended to give birth to the baby that was to be the last gift from Leon to us... but she had been extremely moody and despondent, especially around Ars in particular.
While all four of us considered each child in the household as our children, we did naturally find ourselves gravitating to our biological children, but Ars... well, he had come under my responsibility for the moment.
It wasn’t as if Eris was abusive or neglectful, she was simply... empty.
Luckily, Ars was a happy kid regardless of the circumstances, but still... it was worrying.
Of course, having lost the same man, I could understand her, and I had allowed her to continue this worrying behaviour for the past month so that she could grieve.
But now... it had gone on for too long.
Like this, the greatest fear of mine might come true... the fear that our happy family that we all loved and worked towards would never recover.
So... she needed to get back to the normal Eris we all knew... or, at least, closer to it.
And as her childhood friend, and a mother of this family... that was my responsibility.
“Eris,” I called out to her as she sat on the backside patio, staring at the distant forest.
“What is it,” she said, her voice dull as she didn’t even turn to answer me.
Okay... let’s do this, Sylphy.
“We’re almost out of groceries... would you like to come with me to the market?” I asked in a sweet tone.
“No... don’t want to,” she mumbled out, still not even sparing me a glance.
I felt my eyebrow twitch.
No, calm down... she was simply in pain.
“Eris, you should do something other than sit down all day...” I said, walking over to her. “Didn’t Ars and Aria ask you to play with them earlier? What happened to that?”
I watched as she flinched, her shoulders slumping down as her hand clenched into a fist.
Well, while she didn’t say anything, that was enough of an answer.
So I guess she would need some tough love...
Releasing a sigh, I conjured a blade of wind before releasing it, the air shrieking as it cut through the four legs of the chair, causing Eris to instinctually rise to her feet.
“The hell? What’s with you!?” she shouted, turning to me with an angered frown. “Have you lost your mind?”
“No... I knew you wouldn’t fall, and that chair was getting old anyway,” I said, sending her a matching glare. “And look at that... now, you’re finally facing me. Haven’t you always taught Ars to face someone when speaking to them? Ah... but you haven’t really done much talking with us lately, huh? Too busy watching the clouds, right?”
I felt a pang of guilt as Eris faltered, obviously put off by my suddenly harsh tone and scathing words.
But I knew this girl.
She was strong, so she could take it.
And flexing some of that mental strength was what I was hoping would take her out of her current state.
I just had to hope she didn’t hate me for this afterwards...
“W-What... what the fuck is your problem!?” she shouted, her teeth gnashing together. “So what if I want to stay away... isn’t that better? An angry burden like me has no place here!”
This idiotic girl... that again?
“You dare call yourself that?” I said stepping forward. “I always knew you were stupid, but did the last semblance of a brain finally disappear?”
“Stupid... you’re calling me stupid!?” she shouted.
“Damn right, I am!” I shouted back. “And what was with that shit about having no place here? This family isn’t our family without you, Eris!”
Her eyes widened in surprise at my language, and her hands trembled with how angry she was, but soon enough, her trembling softened as she revealed a hint of vulnerability, hanging her head.
“No... our family... I don’t deserve a place in there... not when I let him die,” she spat, her lip beginning to tremble. “I made a promise to Alice... I made a promise to myself... and I broke them. I said I would always be at his side, but when he needed me most... what was I doing? Sitting here like some maiden, waiting for her husband to come back from war? How... how pathetic...”
I released a breath as I felt the tension fade from her body, and slowly walking up to her, I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, bringing her head to rest on my shoulder as I squeezed her reassuringly.
“Eris... you weren’t waiting here for nothing. You have a wonderful child in your belly, and while nothing happened, what would have happened if someone had come for us, or Ariel, while you were both away?” I asked, my voice retuning to its normal tone. “Leon would be devastated. He would probably prefer death over experiencing that.”
She flinched, and she knew that I was right.
“B-But... Leon, he...”
“I know, Eris... I know,” I said, feeling her arms begin to squeeze me in return.
Oof... that was quite tight, Eris... please be gentle.
Weren’t pregnant women supposed to be weaker than normal?
“But you know... you haven’t talked to Roxy lately, have you?” I asked softly.
“Huh? N-No... I haven’t,” she said, shaking her head.
“Hehe. Well, she went through part of the diary to see if there was anything that Leon put in there,” I said.
“Oh... was there anything?” she asked with an expectant tone.
“Hmm... just something mentioning gaining Perugius’ support in case of the worst situation, but nothing more,” I said as a smirk grew on my lips. “But you know... there are some fun stories that she found. Embarrassing things that even he wouldn’t have shared with us.”
I felt Eris perk up a bit at that.
“Embarrassing things... isn’t it bad to go through that?” she said hesitantly.
“Perhaps, yes... it is his private diary, after all,” I said with a shrug. “But, he never explicitly told us not to peek. And besides... it sounds interesting, right?”
“M-Mhmm... a little,” she mumbled.
“Right... then, how about we go through some of it tonight, and all sleep together afterwards?” I suggested. “The main bed was made to fit all five of us, so it would be a waste to leave it empty.”
I felt her squeeze her arms for a moment before eventually nodding her head in acceptance.
Good... this was good.
And hopefully, tonight, I could get Eris to loosen up a bit.
There was still that wine that we got as a gift for Roana’s birth, so perhaps it was time to finally open that up for a girl's night... although, unfortunately, Eris would have to settle for some juice.
“Mama Eri! Mama Eri!” Aria said, running past the side of the house as she looked at us with wide eyes. “Oh! A hug pile! Let us in!”
“Hug!” Ars added from her side.
“H-Huh? It’s-”
As I felt Eris begin to struggle, I tightened my grip on her to hold her in place as the two kids rammed into us, both latching on to one of Eris’ legs.
“Anna! Get over here!” Aria shouted. “And bring Emi here too!”
“Ugh... so needy... fine,” Anna said, revealing herself from the side of the house as she also walked up and joined us. “Oh, and Mother Eris... can you teach me swordsmanship tomorrow? It’s... been hard by myself.”
“Uh... yeah, sure thing, kid,” Eris said, nodding her head as Anna rested against her hip.
I nearly broke out into laughter at the sight of the usually boisterous woman, her face flushed with embarrassment as she quickly freed her hand to wipe her eyes of any stray tears.
That was Eris... she always loved to appear strong, but I knew that she was just a normal girl beneath all that pride.
A loving, extremely loyal and familial girl.
I then looked over to the house, seeing that Roxy had come out of the back door to watch us with a smile, holding the bundled up Roana in her arms.
The two of us shared a look, and then a smile, before she slowly began walking towards us.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to feel left out,” she said, bringing a hand down to rustle Aria’s head as she leaned against my side.
Yes... this was our family.
And while we were broken... we would not crumble.
We all knew that Leon would hate that the most, after all.